“Over 900 grain entrapments have been reported since 1964,” you may be thinking to yourself because you are also trapped inside an enormous tank of grain. Also you’re single. Also it’s Valentine’s Day.
Ten Tips for Having the Best Holiday Season Ever!
1. We love the idea of making sure your sleeping area is secure. Stock up on cheerios, plastic, and metal sheeting. It's a great way to relax and get into the spirit of the season!
2. The feet of actual animals are a kitschy alternative to traditional stockings. Fill them with the usual items, then use them later to ward off other creatures.
3. Everyone loves games. Bring a fave as a holiday hostess gift, especially if you're staying the weekend. Everyone can play it during downtime. Our top 3: "Where Does Mom Live Now?" "Keep the Worm Hot!" and "Musical Dick Switch."
4. Leave "Santa Tracks" on your porch. Stand a pair of men's work boots up outside your glass door, fill them with "blood," and sprinkle torn fabric and baby teeth around them.
5. Give “brushing your hair” a chance. Its a great way to add a bit of polish to your holiday attire, and helps people understand you are really trying to feel things again.
6. Mix and mingle fanciful objects on trays and place them in unexpected areas! Try grouping the withered hand of a saint, dad's tear-stained letters, or even the rusty paring knives from last year's dreamscape!
7. For cookie decorating with more precision and less mess, consider adding biotechnology to your pre-existing hand functions! Fingertip squirt bags are easy to install, and will continue to be useful well past St. Patty's Day.
8. A cocktail rimmed in broken glass telegraphs "holiday fun." Shatter the glass yourself, with your eyes.
9. Put up a No Dogs sign on your biodome. Good way to avoid the mess and clutter of unneccesary dogs.